Beggars Banquet (collection) Page 6

  ‘Well, he knows everything we talk about in here.’

  ‘We never talk jobs.’

  ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’d… you know.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ Thomas asked, appearing not to follow things at all.

  ‘Just a natural reaction,’ said Philip. He was watching Paul hand out the drinks. ‘We’re all… something like this, it guts you, doesn’t it?’

  ‘All right, Thomas,’ Paul said, ‘get this down you, leave all your troubles behind. Leonard, another wee vodka. There’s the Irn-Bru, your decision, okay? You’re a free agent. All right there, Thomasino? Cough it up. Good man, now get that down you. Philip, one pint of delicious foaming spesh. Enough to quench the fire, eh?’

  ‘It’s never enough.’

  ‘Cheers, Paul.’

  ‘No, but it’s only natural, isn’t it?’ Paul said, not touching his own Black Heart. ‘I mean, natural to wonder, to ask yourself how the cops knew. It’s a reaction, we’ll get over it. Having trouble with that bottle-top, Leonard?’

  ‘You always screw the fucking thing back on too tight.’

  ‘Give it here.’

  ‘No, I can-’

  ‘Here, I’ll-’

  ‘ I can do it! ’

  ‘Whoah there, Leonard. Brakes on, pal, no need for this. Look, there it is, the top’s off. Amazing how strong you can get when you’re angry. Right then, everybody, good health.’

  ‘Cheers.’

  ‘All the best.’

  ‘Aye.’

  ‘Hiy, Matthew,’ Thomas called, ‘can you no’ open a window? It’s like a furnace in here.’ He turned to Paul. ‘Windows, they paint over them, you can’t open the things. Never would have happened in the old days. Sloppy these days, decorators. I mean, hot’s fine in the winter, but this isn’t winter.’

  ‘Hellish hot,’ Leonard agreed, calm again. ‘It’s always too hot in here.’

  ‘You could heat pies without a microwave.’

  ‘One of those ceiling fans would be nice,’ Paul said. ‘There used to be one, didn’t there?’

  ‘Did there?’

  ‘This was before your time, Leonard, before you came here. Up there it was, a big white electric fan.’

  ‘White electric?’

  ‘I mean painted white, run on electric.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘I don’t know how you can put Irn-Bru in that.’

  ‘You want me to drink it neat?’

  ‘Christ, don’t be so… look, just do what-’

  ‘I like Irn-Bru.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Philip.

  ‘Ach, everyone likes Irn-Bru… but with vodka?’

  ‘I used to drink it that way at school,’ Leonard said. ‘I’d steal some voddy from the drinks cabinet and mix it in an Irn-Bru bottle.’

  ‘Drinks cabinet, eh? Your family had class, Leonard.’

  ‘Didn’t stop him turning into a criminal at an early age.’

  ‘I was born a criminal.’

  ‘Isn’t everybody?’ Philip said, deep into his drink.

  ‘No,’ said Leonard, ‘some people have to learn. Anthony wasn’t a born criminal.’

  ‘You don’t think so?’

  ‘He told me so. He ran with his big brother’s gang. He was okay till he started running with them.’

  ‘His brother Donny?’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘You don’t see him in here.’

  ‘He’s gone away,’ said Thomas. ‘Been away a while.’

  ‘There’s a lot you don’t see in here any more.’

  ‘Well, we’re here,’ said Paul, ‘and that’s all that matters.’

  ‘Aye, we’re always here.’

  ‘For ever and ever, amen.’

  ‘Where did you get that money though, Paul?’

  Paul winked again. ‘Is it bothering you, Leonard?’

  ‘Was it the gee-gees?’ Thomas asked. ‘Lottery? Dogs? Pools? I’ll bet it was a betting thing.’

  ‘You’d lose your money. Now either stop asking, or stop taking drinks off me.’

  Thomas laughed. ‘Nobody’d be that daft.’

  ‘No? What about you, Leonard?’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘Nothing,’ said Paul.

  ‘No,’ Leonard persisted, ‘what is it? Something’s stuck up your arse and I’d like to know what it is.’

  Paul looked amazed. ‘Me? There’s nothing bothering me, pal. What about you, Leonardo?’

  ‘Here we go again,’ said Philip. ‘Just cool it, compadres.’

  ‘You’re right, Philip,’ said Paul, ‘as ever. How come you’re always right? You never lose your rag, do you? You’re a calm sort, controlled. Isn’t he, lads?’ Paul tapped his own brow. There was a sheen of sweat on it. ‘But we know there’s a lot going on in that head of his.’

  ‘It’s the quiet ones you have to watch,’ said Thomas.

  ‘Thomas, you’ll never say a truer word. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say. Jesus, Philip, are you finished already?’

  ‘It’s hot,’ Philip said.

  ‘A furnace.’

  ‘This thirst,’ Philip added, ‘I can’t seem to shake it.’

  ‘Christ, Matthew,’ Paul called, ‘do something, will you?’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Open the fridge door or something. Start putting ice in the drinks. Something.’

  ‘We’re out of ice.’

  ‘You’ll be out of a job if we take our custom elsewhere.’

  Matthew smiled. ‘You four aren’t going anywhere.’

  ‘No talking back to the customers, Matthew,’ Paul said, pointing a finger. ‘Leonard, ready for another?’

  ‘I’ve two in front of me.’

  ‘Apply yourself to the task. We’ll have the same again, Matthew.’

  ‘Not for me,’ said Leonard.

  ‘Play the game, Leonardo. Give him another, Matthew.’ The barman walked back to the optics.

  ‘You’re wasting your money, Paul.’

  ‘It’s my money.’

  ‘You’ll be skint again tomorrow.’

  ‘Who cares about tomorrow?’

  ‘Suit yourself.’

  ‘I always do.’

  ‘This is very pleasant,’ said Philip.

  ‘It’s not meant to be pleasant,’ Paul said. ‘It’s a wake, remember?’

  ‘How can I forget?’

  ‘Levity ill becomes you, Filipi.’

  ‘What’s levity?’ Thomas asked.

  ‘Lightness,’ Leonard explained.

  Thomas nodded. ‘Like being light in the head?’

  ‘Lot of levity about here,’ Paul said, winking.

  ‘Maybe I’m ill,’ said Philip, loosening his collar. ‘My mouth’s parched all day.’

  ‘Could be a lot of reasons for that,’ Paul said. ‘Could be nerves.’

  ‘Nerves?’

  ‘I saw something yesterday,’ Thomas said, ‘on the telly. It was about these insects that eat each other. Or maybe it was their babies they ate.’

  Paul and Philip looked at one another, the way they did when Thomas said this sort of thing.

  ‘That’s not so rare,’ Leonard told Thomas, his eyes on Paul.

  ‘You’re a smart one, aren’t you?’ said Paul.

  Leonard shook his head, drained one of his vodkas. ‘It’s all relative,’ he said. Then he slipped off his barstool.

  ‘First one tonight,’ said Paul, smiling. ‘And as usual it’s Leonard. Three shorts he’s put away, but he’s bursting for a piss. You need a bladder transplant, Leonardo.’

  Leonard stopped in front of Paul. ‘Maybe it’s just nerves, Paul,’ he said.

  Nobody said anything as he left the bar.

  The toilet was reeking. There was the constant hiss of a broken ballcock, and names scratched into the paint on the dark red wall. The urinal was a stainless steel trough. It was cooler in here though, damp and cool. Leonard lit a cigarette for himself. He reckoned if i
t weren’t for the smell, this place would be a preferable alternative to the bar itself. Freezing in winter though. Bloody awful pub altogether, why didn’t they just leave? Well, as somebody had said, where else was there?

  The door creaked open and Matthew came in.

  ‘Matthew.’

  ‘Leonard.’

  The barman went to the urinal and unzipped himself loudly. His stare was high up the wall when he spoke.

  ‘They’re out for your blood.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Those three. Well, Paul specifically, but he’ll carry the other two. He’s buying, after all.’

  ‘What have I done?’

  ‘Come on, Leonard. Paul thinks you shopped Anthony.’

  ‘Then how come he’s the one with the money?’

  ‘If it was a cop payoff, he wouldn’t be flashing it about. Get out, right now. Just run for it.’

  ‘I’ve never run in my life.’

  ‘It’s up to you.’ Matthew zipped himself up. ‘But if I was in your shoes, I’d be offski.’

  ‘Where would I go?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ There was another creak as the door opened. Paul came in first. Philip and Thomas were right behind him. The door closed quietly after them.

  ‘What’s that you’re saying, Matthew?’

  ‘Nothing, Paul.’

  ‘You’re a great one for talking, aren’t you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘A gossip, a right wee sweetie-wife. Talking’s in your blood.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No? This had the look of a snitches’ convention when I walked in. Guilty looks all round.’

  Matthew tried shaking his head.

  ‘Easy to confuse guilt with fear,’ Leonard said quietly.

  ‘Know where that money came from?’ Paul said. He wasn’t speaking to any one of them in particular. His eyes were on his shoes, examining the toes. ‘I’ll tell you, it came from Anthony.’

  ‘Anthony?’ Thomas said. ‘Why did he give you that much money? I mean, he’s usually tight… I mean, careful. He’s canny with his money.’ Thomas’s voice died away.

  Paul half turned his head and gave Thomas a smile full of sympathy.

  ‘You aren’t half going on tonight, Thomasino. Not like you at all. It’s not like him at all, is it, Philip?’

  Philip was wiping his face with the roller-towel. ‘No, it’s not,’ he said.

  ‘He’s usually quiet, isn’t he?’

  ‘Quiet as the grave,’ Philip agreed.

  ‘And even someone as thick as you sometimes appear to be, Thomas, has got to have an inkling why Anthony would give me a load of cash.’ He paused. ‘Don’t you want to know, Philip?’

  Philip shrugged. ‘You’ll tell us when you’re ready.’

  Paul was smiling. ‘You never change, Philip. Always the same face, the same voice. Nothing out of place. I bet you could do away with your granny and we’d never know about it, not by looking at you.’ He paused again. ‘Except tonight you’re sweating. Why is that?’

  ‘I think I’m coming down with something.’

  ‘Well, we’ll see to it you get a doctor when this is over.’ Matthew started to open the door. ‘ Shut it! ’ Paul smiled. ‘Don’t want to let the heat in, do we?’ He turned to Leonard. ‘Anthony gave me the money because he wants someone taken care of. Someone in particular. He told me once I was sure in my mind, I was to start earning the cash. That’s what Anthony told me.’

  ‘In other words, he doesn’t know?’

  ‘That’s right, Leonard.’

  ‘Funny he asked you.’

  ‘He trusts me.’

  ‘But what if he’s wrong, Paolo? What if he’s wrong about that?’ Leonard looked to the other men in the cramped space – Matthew, Philip, Thomas. ‘What if you grassed him up, and we found out?’ They’d all been looking nervous; now they were looking interested. ‘What would we do?’

  ‘Yes,’ Thomas said quietly, getting it, ‘what would we do?’

  Philip was nodding slowly, and Matthew straightened his back, adding an inch to his height.

  ‘There’s only one guilty party here, Leonard,’ Paul was saying.

  ‘You really believe that?’

  ‘I’m not saying it’s you.’ Paul was staring into Leonard’s eyes. He saw red paint reflected from the walls.

  ‘You’re saying it’s one of us, Paul. The rest of us don’t like that.’

  Leonard took a step forwards. Paul’s hand went to his jacket pocket. Philip was behind him, his arms stretching. Thomas’s hands were fists. Matthew leaned against the door, keeping it closed.

  Outside it was dark, no streetlight, no traffic. You would bet that it couldn’t get any darker, but you’d be wrong. People most often are.

  Facing the Music – AN INSPECTOR REBUS STORY

  An unmarked police car.

  Interesting phrase, that. Inspector John Rebus’s car, punch-drunk and weather-beaten, scarred and mauled, would still merit description as ‘unmarked’, despite the copious evidence to the contrary. Oily-handed mechanics stifled grins whenever he waddled into a forecourt. Garage proprietors adjusted the thick gold rings on their fingers and reached for the calculator.

  Still, there were times when the old war-horse came in handy. It might or might not be ‘unmarked’; unremarkable it certainly was. Even the most cynical law-breaker would hardly expect CID to spend their time sitting around in a breaker’s-yard special. Rebus’s car was a must for undercover work, the only problem coming if the villains decided to make a run for it. Then, even the most elderly and infirm could outpace it.

  ‘But it’s a stayer,’ Rebus would say in mitigation.

  He sat now, the driving-seat so used to his shape that it formed a mould around him, stroking the steering-wheel with his hands. There was a loud sigh from the passenger seat, and Detective Sergeant Brian Holmes repeated his question.

  ‘Why have we stopped?’

  Rebus looked around him. They were parked by the side of Queensferry Street, only a couple of hundred yards from Princes Street’s west end. It was early afternoon, overcast but dry. The gusts of wind blowing in from the Firth of Forth were probably keeping the rain away. The corner of Princes Street, where Fraser’s department store and the Caledonian Hotel tried to outstare one another, caught the winds and whipped them against unsuspecting shoppers, who could be seen, dazed and numb, making their way afterwards along Queensferry Street, in search of coffee and shortcake. Rebus gave the pedestrians a look of pity. Holmes sighed again. He could murder a pot of tea and some fruit scones with butter.

  ‘Do you know, Brian,’ Rebus began, ‘in all the years I’ve been in Edinburgh, I’ve never been called to any sort of a crime on this street.’ He slapped the steering-wheel for emphasis. ‘Not once.’

  ‘Maybe they should put up a plaque,’ suggested Holmes.

  Rebus almost smiled. ‘Maybe they should.’

  ‘Is that why we’re sitting here? You want to break your duck?’ Holmes glanced into the tea-shop window, then away again quickly licking dry lips. ‘It might take a while, you know,’ he said.

  ‘It might, Brian. But then again…’

  Rebus tapped out a tattoo on the steering-wheel. Holmes was beginning to regret his own enthusiasm. Hadn’t Rebus tried to deter him from coming out for this drive? Not that they’d driven much. But anything, Holmes reasoned, was better than catching up on paperwork. Well, just about anything.

  ‘What’s the longest time you’ve been on a stake-out?’ he asked, making conversation.

  ‘A week,’ said Rebus. ‘Protection racket run from a pub down near Powderhall. It was a joint operation with Trading Standards. We spent five days pretending to be on the broo, playing pool all day.’

  ‘Did you get a result?’

  ‘We beat them at pool,’ Rebus said.

  There was a yell from a shop doorway, just as a young man was sprinting across the road in front of their car. The young man was carrying a black metal b
ox. The person who’d called out did so again.

  ‘Stop him! Thief! Stop him!’

  The man in the shop doorway was waving, pointing towards the sprinter. Holmes looked towards Rebus, seemed about to say something, but decided against it. ‘Come on then!’ he said.

  Rebus started the car’s engine, signalled, and moved out into the traffic. Holmes was focusing through the windscreen. ‘I can see him. Put your foot down!’

  ‘ “Put your foot down, sir ”,’ Rebus said calmly. ‘Don’t worry, Brian.’

  ‘Hell, he’s turning into Randolph Place.’

  Rebus signalled again, brought the car across the oncoming traffic, and turned into the dead end that was Randolph Place. Only, while it was a dead end for cars, there were pedestrian passages either side of West Register House. The young man, carrying the narrow box under his arm, turned into one of the passages. Rebus pulled to a halt. Holmes had the car door open before it had stopped, and leapt out, ready to follow on foot.

  ‘Cut him off!’ he yelled, meaning for Rebus to drive back on to Queensferry Street, around Hope Street and into Charlotte Square, where the passage emerged.

  ‘ “Cut him off, sir ”,’ mouthed Rebus.

  He did a careful three-point turn, and just as carefully moved back out into traffic held to a crawl by traffic lights. By the time he reached Charlotte Square and the front of West Register House, Holmes was shrugging his shoulders and flapping his arms. Rebus pulled to a stop beside him.

  ‘Did you see him?’ Holmes asked, getting into the car.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Where have you been anyway?’

  ‘A red light.’

  Holmes looked at him as though he were mad. Since when had Inspector John Rebus stopped for a red light? ‘Well, I’ve lost him anyway.’

  ‘Not your fault, Brian.’

  Holmes looked at him again. ‘Right,’ he agreed. ‘So, back to the shop? What was it anyway?’

  ‘Hi-fi shop, I think.’

  Holmes nodded as Rebus moved off again into the traffic. Yes, the box had the look of a piece of hi-fi, some slim rack component. They’d find out at the shop. But instead of doing a circuit of Charlotte Square to take them back into Queensferry Street, Rebus signalled along George Street. Holmes, still catching his breath, looked around disbelieving.

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘I thought you were fed up with Queensferry Street. We’re going back to the station.’